Dear Dad, Nov. 23, 2017 8 am
I just want to start by saying. I love and miss you. You took care of us to the best of your ability. I appreciate every hug and I love you when you thought I needed it. You didn’t come from the best home environment. You only did what you knew. Now I want to say the way you treated us was wrong. I’ll just focus on myself right now. I was about 12 when I first remember you calling me names a father shouldn’t call his daughter. That really broke my confidence. It also made me lose respect for men/you. I remember feeling angry, hurt, betrayed and lost all at once. As a result of those incidents and not having a healthy relationship with you. I began to look to boys as a safe haven/comfort. I was very dependent on a man. I was always in a relationship. I never spent time by myself, because I didn’t like myself. I almost lost my virginity willingly when I was in the 7th grade, to a boy by the name of Alex. Who I would eventually meet back up with in high school and end up having sex with from time to time. I got involved in a relationship with a butch(female who poses as a male) in the beginning of 9th grade. It didn’t last that long, I was more interested in boys. Not knowing that was another setup for me to be open to experimenting with girls at an older age. I willingly lost my virginity to Michael(who is now doing time in the federal penitentiary)at the age of 14 on the floor of his siblings room. I then became involved with Sharif. I became pregnant at the age of 17. I had Zachai not long after I turned 18. His dad was my first serious relationship in my eyes. We lived together, I was always home with the baby. He was always out making illegal money. He would come in around 12/1am. I became bored with the so-called house wife role. I completely messed that relationship up. I was never satisfied. So I thought if I talk to other guys they would feel that void. I ended that relationship when Zai was about 3yrs old because I assumed the grass was greener on the other side. So I started a relationship with Dewitt, so I thought. He was exciting, he had an after hour spot ¨Powa House¨ in the West Philly area . So I got to be there every weekend. I thought I was doing something because I was with the owner. He didn’t want a relationship. But his actions said otherwise. At first everything was great. He sent me to bartending school. I also was in school to be a Dental Assistant. I just thought we were going to be a power couple. God had other plans! It took me to write this letter to you dad to realize I am forgiven. So in return I must forgive you. I no longer hold you responsible for my mistakes. I forgive you for the incidents that occurred in the past(being sexually and verbally abusive). It was not my fault what you did to me or anyone else.
P.S. I release the anger and unforgiveness I held towards you. I love you!
Love Shannon
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